Mind, Heart and Body in Painful Disarray

I’m in pain.  To most who know me, that comes as very little surprise.  And to explain my general disintegration would take a volume of writing and few would feel motivated to read it.  But that is part of my point, few would have the interest to delve into the unraveling of my life.  And the crux of the matter is that folks who suffer from mental illness and/or are transgender and/or are financially destitute and/or are disabled, really don’t matter all that much.  And, I realize that it is mostly up to me to try forge my own positive identity and to blaze a constructive trail forward but, as many of you are aware, I seem to have run out of that magical, self-produced head of steam.

Daily, my body lets me know that it is not up to the rigors of living a full, healthy life and short of something miraculous or the ability to access some cutting-edge treatment, I may never return to full health.  So, in the course of my writing over the years, I have refrained from calling out different groups or people that have contributed to my pain, heartache and poor health.  I still don’t see much point in doing that now, either.

Instead, I will stand up for the folks who reside with me in the troubled groups that I mentioned above.   All of those groups, people with mental illness, transgender folks, the poor, and the disabled, suffer unreasonably at the hands of society.  It has been an often difficult, painful road that I have walked, but I feel for some folks who have it even worse.  My heart goes out to all people who have struggled with these identities.  So, I will continue to try to be a voice for my kindred brothers and sisters, but please know that, while my voice is strong in spirit, it is weak in physical vigor.

I grapple regularly, these days, with thoughts of suicide.  I have not succumbed, but the general landscape of my life is not very inviting, these days.  I don’t see suicide as a happy antidote for my pain and so I resist.  My faith is often helpful, but so much of my life these days is spent alone, which is slowly unraveling me, emotionally.  Whatever happens with me, I offer some heartfelt prayers for other folks that confront many of these same discouraging social cruelties.  It’s disregard and hatred that we don’t deserve.  Statistically, it has been shown that we are much more victimized than we are someone who victimizes someone else.  The statistics for the trans community are especially distressingly dramatic.  But we are all so much more than a statistic.

So, reach out and love someone, today!  That is the only way that this world will change in a happy, healthy way.

Take care, Rhiannon Tibbetts